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10 Minute Drabble (SPN, Gen, Rated G)

I've been jotting down quick ficlets to get myself back in the mood of writing. Here is the first drabble. I am posting under duress. Doc made me do it. :)

Title: Deaf
Category: Gen Drabble
Summary: It's been a long time since he could hear anything.
Note: Just a drabble. Exercising the muses.


The Impala (Drabble - 10 minutes)

He couldn’t sleep; the rain dropping on top of the car were like tiny drums. He felt melancholy settle over him like a heavy jacket. The thin pings striking the roof of his car were surprisingly hard to hear. They always rang hollow despite its occupant. Here the rain rung with emptiness, echoing something he would never admit. Full blast Metallica couldn’t drown it out.

Fidgeting in his seat—maneuvering seems to be harder nowadays—he wearily turned to his right and smile to himself. Sam dozed in the passenger sear, slumped sideways toward him. Mouth partially open like Sam wanted to tell him something, but fell asleep before he could.

He settled back in deeper, sinking but not quite in the padded faux leather seating until his head rested on the top edge. He turned, looking at Sammy as if he was willing to listen to what Sam wanted to say. Cause he normally would; even if it's something he didn't want to hear, because he's been so attuned to that deep, sorrowful timber ever since Sammy could speak his name, even before he could walk. He was deaf for over three years and now it's a rush of syllables again so full of non-emptiness when it filled the car that it was almost intoxicating.

He would reach over and brush back the bangs off his brother's face but that would be admitting to more than he's willing to admit. He'll be damned if he lets his little brother know how painful it was to be deaf so he just settled his arms across his chest and listened to the soft breathing until he couldn't hear the rain anymore.
  

-fin-

Comments

( 14 comments — comment )
obelix
Jul. 1st, 2007 01:08 pm (UTC)
Nice :-)

superbadgirl
Nov. 7th, 2007 08:36 pm (UTC)
Slight tense issues, but lovely imagry.
mrwubbles
Nov. 13th, 2007 03:02 am (UTC)
Darn Grammar
Nuts. Thought I caught them all. I'm going to be a pain and asked tentatvely if there are specifics you could point out? Tenses has always been a problem, but trust me, 2-3 years ago? I was far, far, worse. Luckily, I had such kind advice from everyone pointing me the right way. Only way to learn and improve. At least, IMHO....

Yum@
superbadgirl
Nov. 14th, 2007 02:28 am (UTC)
Re: Darn Grammar
Keep in mind that my English degree didn't require grammar. ;)

Fidgeting in his seat—maneuvering seems seemed to be harder nowadays—he wearily turned to his right and smiled to himself. Sam dozed in the passenger seat, slumped sideways toward him. Mouth partially open like Sam wanted to tell him something, but fell asleep had fallen asleep before he could.

He settled back in deeper, sinking but not quite in the padded faux leather seating until his head rested on the top edge. He turned, looking at Sammy as if he was willing to listen to what Sam wanted to say. Cause he normally would; even if it's it was something he didn't want to hear, because he's been so attuned to that deep, sorrowful timber ever since Sammy could speak his name, even before he could walk. He was deaf for over three years and now it's it was a rush of syllables again so full of non-emptiness when it filled the car that it was almost intoxicating.

He would reach over and brush back the bangs off his brother's face but that would be admitting to more than he's he was willing to admit. He'll He'd be damned if he lets let his little brother know how painful it was to be deaf so he just settled his arms across his chest and listened to the soft breathing until he couldn't hear the rain anymore.


See, not that many and not that bad. I'm just a chronic nitpicker, and I know you'd want this as perfect as possible. It's lovely. :)

Carrie
mrwubbles
Nov. 14th, 2007 03:16 am (UTC)
Re: Darn Grammar
No, no, don't apologize! A chronic nitpicker MAYBE, but a gracious reader definitely! This is what I call constructive feedback. I need this to grow. This helps me honestly! Thank you! :)
superbadgirl
Nov. 14th, 2007 04:50 pm (UTC)
Re: Darn Grammar
PS, I'm glad to see you outside zines. Hopefully I'll actually have something for you this time. ;)

Carrie
mrwubbles
Nov. 22nd, 2007 01:44 am (UTC)
Re: Darn Grammar
Ya better or I'll wheel me and my chair over and park in front of your pc til a fic comes up. Yup, just wheel right over to,,,er...um...where you at again? LOL

Anna
deej1957
Nov. 7th, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC)
YUM! Honey! HI! It's Dana Jeanne.

This was so painful and lovely, too. I didn't realise you were writing again, I'm going to have to go look at your LJ!!
mrwubbles
Nov. 7th, 2007 10:48 pm (UTC)
A Short Search In A Deep Hole
Hi DJ!

Gosh, I love seeing all these familiar faces!

*Wubbles peer down the honey pot* Don't bother. LOL. That was the only fic I posted. Well, not even a fic. More of a drabble. Aside for writing for the Brotherhood zine, i haven't written much iin this fandom. Still feeling my way. I think I need a bigger flashlight. LOL
arrenall
Nov. 9th, 2007 12:38 am (UTC)
Yum@ is it really you? This was lovely. Remember me from SG1?
Arren
mrwubbles
Nov. 9th, 2007 12:45 am (UTC)
Hello, Friendly Face!
Yup! :) It's nice to see familiar faces! I'd only started trying out LJ for posting fic and always felt out of sorts; like the new kid in the neighborhood since its been over a year.

How are you? Are you writing in this fandom, too? Newbie once again and just testing the waters like I did in Stargate!
paleogymnast
Nov. 13th, 2007 02:51 am (UTC)
Wow, excellent. Very subtle and poignant and moving. Please post more!! Thank you for sharing! :)
mrwubbles
Nov. 13th, 2007 02:58 am (UTC)
Thank you for your words
Thank you for your comments! I was really nervous about posting. I use to post for another fandom, but being in a new fandom is like being the new kid on the block. Gulp.

Yum@
paleogymnast
Nov. 13th, 2007 03:07 am (UTC)
Re: Thank you for your words
Well, you're doing a great job, so please keep it up!! I'd love to read more SN fics from you!! Especially, perhaps an expansion on this one? What happened before or after?
( 14 comments — comment )

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